Saturday, January 10, 2015

Cold, Heavy Regrets

It's cold, late, I'm tired, and I've left my S.O. in a warm, cozy bed.

Sleep evades me. In stead, I have been gifted with the highlight reel of my regrets. I have been laying, frozen in fear and pain watching them dance before my mind's eye. 

This happens too often.

My ghosts haunt me. They swirl around me and sit, heavily upon my chest. I plead with them and justify them. I ask them, kindly, to go. They scare me too much to demand such an action from them.

Most of my regrets have faces. If a particular regret does not directly involve a person then I, surely, have assigned a nearby person to it. I gave it a human face and now I must carry it with me.

I have read plenty of books that made use of magic and potions to make people forget things; sometimes by choice, other times by someone else's will. I long for a potion to make my regrets fade from memory. To take away the faces and feelings.

They are always temporarily forgotten. Until they're not.

Surely I carry them with me to learn something. But that can't be true. I have learned the lesson on some and I have corrected future similar situations. Yet I still carry the regret.

My regrets come in all sizes and severity. But come they do. At night. During brilliant, sunny days. Alone or next to my Love.

I don't know their point. I don't know their power. I just know...

This happens too often.

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