Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I Don't Know

"I don't know," are three words no one ever wants to hear. I don't understand why it's so bad to not know something. Why must we always have answers?

I get asked, "Do you believe in an afterlife?" I answer, "I don't know." For some reason this usually agitates the questioner. Apparently I need an answer. I need to know right then and there what I believe about where I'll go when I die.

"Doesn't it bother you not to know?"

"No. Whether I believe in an afterlife or not won't change how I'm going to live in the here and now."

I like answers too. But I like options with my answers. It's one of the reasons why I am so attracted to Judaism. There are so many answers to the same question and in the end no one answer is right or wrong.

"I don't know," is an admittance to being human. It's that sometimes the answers to the questions are bigger than me. Not that I don't have the right to come up with my own answers, but that I equally have the right to say that I don't know the answers.

When I was younger I was always asked what my favorite color was.

"I don't have one."

"Everyone has a favorite."

"Well I don't."

"Why not?"

"Because I like all colors."

"Yeah but you have to like one a little more than the others."

"Why?"

"That's just how it works."

"Well can I narrow it down then? To like three?"

"No, you can only pick one."

I would frown until struck with a brilliant idea. "Then I pick rainbow."

"That's not a color!"

That pretty accurately sums up my life. I ask too many questions and never offer up the correct answers. That's because I just don't know. And I'm okay with that.

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